The Real Reasons Donald Trump Won’t Release His Tax Returns

The Real Reasons Donald Trump Won’t Release His Tax Returns.

  • He’s worried there are mistakes since his accountant is a graduate of Trump University.
  • It’s full of embarrassments that will torpedo his campaign.  Just like his Twitter feed.
  • It’s stored in the same place he lost his copy of the Constitution.
  • He’s embarrassed about listing Scott Baio as a dependent.
  • He doesn’t want us to see how much self-tanner he writes off.
  • All his medical expenses were covered by Obamacare.
  • Instead of filling out numbers, he just wrote, “This is the greatest tax return ever, believe me” on every page.
  • He writes off Viagra as a business expense.
  • He can’t blame anything in them on Mexicans, Muslims, or Rosie O’Donnell.
  • He’s a bit uneasy about his wife copying her part of the returns directly from Michelle Obama’s.
  • He doesn’t want to embarrass Chris Christie by showing the world how much he pays to feed him.
  • He lists his hair as a dependent.