Things The Founding Fathers Would Say If They Were Alive Today

In honor of Independence Day, please enjoy this list of The Top Things the Founding Fathers Would Say if They Were Alive Today.

  • Betsy Ross would’ve made a great Ghostbuster.
  • Guys, let’s change that phrase to, “Life, liberty and the pursuit of Kate Upton!”
  • It’s great to see our old friend Bernie Sanders!
  • Seriously, is it “We the people” or “Us the people”? It still haunts us.
  • Hands to yourself, Thomas Jefferson. BeyoncĂ©’s married!
  • But the Oval Office isn’t equipped with enough fainting couches for a female president.
  • Can we please replace Founding Fathers with George Washington’s Posse?
  • I’m Alexander Hamilton and even I can’t get tickets to “Hamilton”!
  • What do you mean you haven’t updated the Second Amendment yet? That was for guns that shot one bullet before you needed to spend 15 minutes reloading them.
  • Ben Franklin’s over at LensCrafters. He can’t believe they’ll make his bifocals in about an hour.
  • Is it just me, or does Hillary Clinton look like Thomas Paine?
  • No, my name is THOMAS Jefferson, and I do not have a wife named Weezy!
  • Wait, you’re telling me Britain just won their independence . . . from Belgium?
  • I noticed many American men care little about American history . . . but are extremely concerned about BROWSER history.