Signs You’re Not Going to Receive a Kennedy Center Honor


  • Your newest album was only released on cassette

  •  You’re Robert De Niro, but not the actor Robert De Niro

  •  The last time you “performed” in public you were singing “Volare” on the crosstown bus

  •  Your last film starred Ron Jeremy

  •  You keep asking, “Who’s Kennedy?”

  •  Your biggest claim to fame is that you once got decked by Alec Baldwin

  • You host a late night talk show in a New Jersey Turnpike rest stop

  •  You accused Led Zeppelin of stealing  “Stairway to Heaven”