Signs You’re At A Bad Strip Club

Mama June will go on a national strip club tour later this month. Which brings us to today’s list of The Top Signs You’re at a Bad Strip Club.

  • They don’t look like the girls in a Motley Crue video . . . they look like Motley Crue.
  • You’ve been there four hours and have yet to hear “Cherry Pie”.
  • The girls can pick dollar bills up off the stage without using their hands . . . or squatting.
  • For an extra $5, your stripper will let your touch her C-section scar.
  • You meet the club’s featured dancer . . . standing at the next urinal.
  • Before a girl can give you a lap dance, you have to buy her dinner and meet her family.
  • Your wife doesn’t care that you’re there.
  • All the dancers have great relationships with their fathers.
  • The strippers are hot and bothered…because they’re going through menopause.
  • The girls only dance to Mumford & Sons.
  • Even though you totally trust that the girls are only stripping to pay their way through college, someone just reminded you college doesn’t last 15 years.
  • You tuck your dollar bills under their colostomy bag.
  • The dancers celebrate Take Your Child to Work Day.