Surprising Facts About Wine

Yesterday was National Wine Day, so here are a few “facts” we pick up as part of our celebration.

  • As long as you cover it with a paper bag, nobody will ever know you’re drinking straight from the bottle.
  • It’s either a delicious alcoholic drink, or what Tom Brady and the Patriots do when they get caught cheating.
  • It’s fat-free. Unlike most of the people who drink it.
  • Without it, your wife would have left a long time ago.
  • You’re supposed to smell it before you drink it . . . just like the milk in a single guy’s fridge.
  • There are scientists who dispute that a glass a day is good for you. They are wrong.
  • “Sommelier” is French for “I’m going to charge you $100 for this Two Buck Chuck, because I know you don’t want to look like an idiot in front of your date.”
  • White wine is best served cold. Or at least slightly aloof.
  • California is the leading producer of Chardonnay grapes.  They’re velvety, golden in color, and won’t shut up about Bernie Sanders.
  • Drinking wine can boost cognitive ability. So expect that homeless dude on the bus who’s always chugging Mad Dog to find a cure for cancer any day now.
  • Red wine is better than white wine . . . for concealing roofies, according to Bill Cosby.