Ways to Improve the TSA

Traveling this summer? Good luck with the security lines at our nation’s airports. They replaced the head of the TSA, but what if that’s not enough to move things along? Because I’m helpful by nature I thought I would offer, at no charge, some suggestions as to how we can further improve the TSA.

  • Upgrade agents’ attitude from surly to indifferent
  • Delight passengers by magically pulling quarter out of their ears
  • Give every frustrated passenger 30 seconds to scream right in agents’ face
  • When passengers remove shoes, offer complimentary foot rub
  • Gut the whole damn thing and start over
  • Have agents warm hands before all cavity searches
  • Level playing field by letting passengers perform pat-downs on agents
  • I don’t know, pay workers a living wage?