Airline Pilot Pet Peeves

Pilots for Southwest Airlines are upset that they haven’t had a pay raise in almost five years. So we can put not getting a pay raise near the top of this list of The Top Airline Pilot Pet Peeves.

  • The code of conduct forces you to say “Goodbye” to passengers disembarking the plane instead of stuff like, “How’d your fat butt fit into one seat?!?”
  • “Naughty flight attendant” just doesn’t have the same ring as “naughty stewardess.”
  • Airport bars that cut you off after seven drinks.
  • Kids are always touring the cockpit, which means you gotta hide your porn.
  • Being stuck on a flight with Jerry Seinfeld, when he won’t stop questioning the deal with airplane peanuts.
  • Ever since 9/11, it’s the air marshals who get all the flight attendant tail.
  • Sarcastic catcalls of “Eww, look at Mr. Big Shot” from travelers when you get to bypass the TSA line.
  • All those flips and switches in the cockpit and not a single one launches missiles.
  • When flight attendants catch you staring at their “flotation devices.”
  • Massive riots when the in-flight movie inevitably stars Adam Sandler or Kevin James.
  • When your copilot calls you “Shirley.”