Reasons You Aren’t Celebrating Cinco De Mayo

Today is Cinco de Mayo! But if downing copious quantities of margaritas and cerveza with friends doesn’t excite you in the least, you’ll identify with this list of The Top Reasons You Aren’t Celebrating Cinco de May

  • You harbor a deep hatred for anything Mexican after what happened the last time you ate at Chipotle.
  • You watch Sofia Vergara on “Modern Family” every week, which seems like enough.
  • Why celebrate those people when President Trump is just gonna deport ’em anyway?
  • You’ll inevitably end up getting arrested for punching someone who calls it “Cinco de Drinko.”
  • You’re busy writing letters to Warner Brothers trying to get them to make Speedy Gonzales a little more racist.
  • You’re still hungover from your Arbor Day bender.
  • You get drunk on tequila and Corona EVERY day.
  • You’re a Mexican toddler, and the Nike factory won’t give you the day off.
  • It’s just NACHO thing!