Signs You’ve Gone to a Bad Polling Place

  • The voting booth doubles as a Port-a-Potty
  • Before voting, you’re asked to submit to a cavity search
  • A bouncer is standing in front of the door to “keep the riff raff out”
  • Your ballot is printed on a Kraft American cheese single
  • There’s a condom dispenser on the wall
  • The only candidates listed are Sanjaya and Ruben Studdard
  • The volunteers keep dumping ballots into a burning oil drum
  • There’s a pack of wild dogs milling around