Signs You’re Flying A Bad Airline

Virgin America was just voted the top U.S. airline for the fourth year in a row.  Unfortunately, some other airlines weren’t even close.  Here are The Top Signs You’re Flying a Bad Airline.

  • Kids who visit the cockpit wind up on the East Asian black market.
  • It determines your destination city by a show of hands.
  • Flight attendants won’t let you shove the shrieking infant next to you into an overhead bin.
  • The captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign and turns on the fasten gimp mask sign.
  • They measure out your soda with an eyedropper.
  • The cabins are divided into first class, business class, and steerage.
  • The peanuts taste a lot like a vacuum cleaner.
  • Every passenger that falls asleep wakes up with a penis drawn on their
  • forehead.
  • Once you reach cruising altitude, a sign lights up over the cockpit reading, “Quiet.  Captain Sleeping.”
  • They lose your luggage, then charge you a $200 luggage recovery fee.
  • The barf bag in the holder in front of you is full from the previous flight.
  • The emergency oxygen masks are coin-operated.
  • Instead of just showing your two-year-old son the cockpit, the captain lets him fly the plane.