Now that the Major League Baseball season is under way, we thought it’d be the perfect time for this list of The Top Reasons You Won’t Make it as a Major League Baseball Player.
- You want to preserve the size of your testicles.
- You speak English.
- You learned everything you know about being a selfless teammate from Alex Rodriguez.
- You think a “Louisville Slugger” is a sex act.
- Your biggest weakness is sliders. Not the pitch, but the tiny burgers.
- You can’t stop giggling whenever you hear the term “pitcher’s rubber.”
- You spend too much time adjusting the protective cup . . . on players from the opposing team.
- There’s just not enough brain damage for you.
- You get winded just walking up the dugout steps.