Top Surprises In “Batman V. Superman”

Planning on seeing “Batman v. Superman” this weekend?  If so, go ahead and ignore this list of  possibly true Surprises in “Batman v. Superman”.

  • Batman admits the real reason he hates Superman is because he teased him about “Daredevil”.
  • They set aside their differences to battle a common enemy:  people tired of superhero movies.
  • In addition to super-strength and super-speed, Superman also demonstrates a super-human ability to tolerate Kanye West.
  • Lex Luthor tortures his prisoners by forcing them to watch the “Full House” spinoff.
  • Bruce Wayne reveals he made his billions suing Gawker for posting a sex tape.
  • There are no actual fight scenes, only Facebook comment feuds.
  • Superman gets exposed to his biggest weakness kryptonite, and Batman gets exposed to his biggest weakness . . . nannies.
  • Things REALLY get heated when Superman suggests that Batman has small hands.
  • Since he wears hipster glasses, Clark Kent is invited to join an improv troupe.
  • Both Superman and Batman admit they’d rather be in “Deadpool”.
  • Bruce Wayne equips the Batmobile with Truck Nutz.
  • Wonder Woman admits she could fight crime just as easily DRESSED.
  • We learn Batman’s voice is so gravelly because he’s constantly vaping.