Reasons You’re Still Unemployed

The national unemployment rate is at an eight-year low of 4.9%.  Find out why that means nothing to you with this list of The Top Reasons You’re Still Unemployed.

  • Your degree says “Trump University.”
  • When interviewers ask you for your worst quality, you tell them, “I will split open the skull of anyone who steals my tuna salad from the break room fridge.”
  • The only tech skill you list on your resume is sending nude Snapchat selfies.
  • When asked where you see yourself in five years, you say, “Not in THIS dump!”
  • Your house arrest bracelet kinda limits your options.
  • You refuse to go anywhere without your therapy cobra.
  • Your most recent job was directing “The Brothers Grimsby”.
  • The only thing on your resume is “Ben Carson Campaign Manager.”
  • You figure you’ll be fine with all the free stuff we’ll all get once Bernie Sanders is elected.
  • Let’s just say the “bowl” you enjoy each morning is not full of cereal and milk.
  • You specialize in repairing rotary phones.