Signs Your Tax Preparer Is A Stoner

If your taxes are not yet done and you don’t plan on doing them yourself, make sure you hire a competent and professional preparer.  Someone who’s clearheaded and competent.  Now that Nancy Regan is no longer with us to tell us to “Just Say No” I suppose it’s a real possibility that more people will become stoners.  And stoners generally might not be your best bet when it comes to taxes.  So beware of these signs that your tax preparer may be a stoner.

  • He’s the only accountant you know who wears crocks and a man bun.
  • You frequently have to remind him to touch the keys when he types.
  • He has no office door . . . just a beaded curtain.
  • He asks for your social security number.  Over.  And over.  And over, again.
  • His desk is covered in tax forms.  And Visine empties.
  • The kitten in his “Hang in there!” poster is sporting dreads and a Phish T-shirt.
  • He interrupts a discussion of your W-2 to give a three-hour lecture on why “Half Baked” is the single greatest work in cinema history.
  • Every time he hears a siren, he instinctively rushes to the bathroom and flushes everything in his pockets down the toilet.
  • He says you can deduct travel costs for following the Dave Matthews Band.
  • He stores an extra calculator in his dreads.
  • Every time you remind him of the big day in April, he replies “You mean 4/20”?
  • He can’t stop laughing when he tells you that every return he does is a JOINT return!
  • He replaced his necktie with a shark tooth necklace.
  • The H&R initials in his business name stand for “Hemp & Reefer.”
  • When he promises that your refund will contain a lot of “green” . . . he’s not talking about money.
  • He says you can only claim your daughter if her name is Mary Jane.