Things George Washington Would Say If He Were Alive Today

George Washington would be 284 if he were alive today.  So we wondered what that’d actually be like.  Here are The Top Things George Washington Would Say if He Were Alive Today.

  • I gotta get rid of this ponytail before one more person mistakes me for Tommy Chong.
  • Anyone got four me’s for a me?
  • I wish in my day all you had to do to become a national hero was grow a pair of boobs!
  • If I’m related to Denzel, someone’s got some ‘splainin to do.
  • I didn’t give everything I had to found this country, only to see it filled up with morons who can’t even tell that the new “Star Wars” movie is just a rip-off of the first one.
  • Thanks to Coldplay, I hate England now more than ever.
  • I think I shall vote for that gentleman in the smart pantaloons who’s running against Bernie Sanders.
  • I’m just here because Burger King brought back the Chicken Fries.
  • So I’ve been replaced as the “cannot tell a lie guy” by Sir Mix-a-Lot?
  • I cannot tell a lie . . . which means I wouldn’t be able to run for president today.
  • Why does everyone call me G Dubs?
  • Help!  Someone get me out of this coffin!
  • I can’t get tickets to “Hamilton” even though I actually knew Hamilton!
  • To paraphrase my good friend Patrick Henry, Give me life, liberty, Netflix, and chill.