Things You Didn’t Know About Marco Rubio

  • He’s the guy who hosted “Blue’s Clues”!
  • He may have lied about his parents fleeing Fidel Castro’s Cuba . . . but people forgave him because of those soft, brown eyes.
  • He’s done amazing things in Florida.  Like never once being arrested for doing something bizarre while naked on bath salts.
  • His first order of business if he wins:  More water coolers in the White House.
  • His picture is the sample photo in every Sears Portrait Studio on earth.
  • He has a simple campaign strategy:  DON’T do what Jeb does.
  • He emerged from the womb with his hair perfectly parted.
  • Monica Lewinsky endorsed him because she loves Cubans.
  • He doesn’t believe in climate change, open borders, or pants without pleats.
  • His wife was once a Miami Dolphins cheerleader, so she has experience cheering on losing causes.
  • If he gets the GOP nomination, he promises to have a vice president with the first name “Polo.”
  • He’s running for president.