Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Dog Trainer

January 28, 2016

Just get a dog?  Congratulations!  Now before that cute new member of your family develops bad habits, make sure it’s properly trained.  Can’t train your new best friend yourself?  Hire a professional trainer.  Just make sure your trainer is qualified.  How will you know if you’ve hired a bad trainer?  Listen for things like these:

  • You’ve heard of the Dog Whisperer?  Well, I’m the Dog Texter.
  • Like my Michael Vick jersey?
  • I can communicate with dogs.  And yours wants you to let me have sex with your wife.
  • How do you feel about leg humping?  Okay . . . and what about from your dog?
  • You know who would appreciate all this talk about creating superior genetics through breeding?  Hitler.
  • I wish I was as good at training dogs as your wife is at training you.
  • Look, marking territory by peeing on everything is natural for dogs.  And even MORE natural for trainers.
  • You really should consider getting a goldfish.