January 28, 2016
Just get a dog? Congratulations! Now before that cute new member of your family develops bad habits, make sure it’s properly trained. Can’t train your new best friend yourself? Hire a professional trainer. Just make sure your trainer is qualified. How will you know if you’ve hired a bad trainer? Listen for things like these:
- You’ve heard of the Dog Whisperer? Well, I’m the Dog Texter.
- Like my Michael Vick jersey?
- I can communicate with dogs. And yours wants you to let me have sex with your wife.
- How do you feel about leg humping? Okay . . . and what about from your dog?
- You know who would appreciate all this talk about creating superior genetics through breeding? Hitler.
- I wish I was as good at training dogs as your wife is at training you.
- Look, marking territory by peeing on everything is natural for dogs. And even MORE natural for trainers.
- You really should consider getting a goldfish.