January 21, 2016
Just when you thought the holiday season was over…Yesterday was DJ Appreciation Day and today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. In honor of this special day, here are a few interesting facts about squirrels.
- You have some in your attic. And they know about the sex swing.
- They can dig tunnels very fast. Like El Chapo. Minus the tacky shirt.
- They can ALL waterski . . . most of them just aren’t showoffs like that one guy.
- They consider the idea that they all wear little pilot hats with goggles and can fly an offensive stereotype.
- They say stuff to you about Satan after you drop acid. I’ve heard.
- They bury their nuts so your lame uncle will have something to joke about at Thanksgiving.
- If you staple enough dead ones together, you too can have Trump hair!
- A squirrel’s diet includes seeds, nuts, mushrooms, twigs, and bark. Just like Michelle Obama’s.
- They just love to fat shame groundhogs.
- They’re less frantic about this stupid snowstorm than you are, and they live OUTSIDE.
- Chipmunks are like most squirrels except they have stripes and make terrible kids’ movies.