Squirrel Appreciation Day

January 21, 2016

Just when you thought the holiday season was over…Yesterday was DJ Appreciation Day and today is Squirrel Appreciation Day.  In honor of this special day, here are a few interesting facts about squirrels.

  • You have some in your attic.  And they know about the sex swing.
  • They can dig tunnels very fast.  Like El Chapo.  Minus the tacky shirt.
  • They can ALL waterski . . . most of them just aren’t showoffs like that one guy.
  • They consider the idea that they all wear little pilot hats with goggles and can fly an offensive stereotype.
  • They say stuff to you about Satan after you drop acid.  I’ve heard.
  • They bury their nuts so your lame uncle will have something to joke about at Thanksgiving.
  • If you staple enough dead ones together, you too can have Trump hair!
  • A squirrel’s diet includes seeds, nuts, mushrooms, twigs, and bark.  Just like Michelle Obama’s.
  • They just love to fat shame groundhogs.
  • They’re less frantic about this stupid snowstorm than you are, and they live OUTSIDE.
  • Chipmunks are like most squirrels except they have stripes and make terrible kids’ movies.