January 8, 2016
Elvis Presley would have been 81 today. Sadly, the King died at age 42, but he’ll always be remembered. Here are some things Elvis would likely say if he were alive today.
- Well since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell. It’s called YouPorn.com.
- I’m gonna do something different tonight, and dedicate “In the Ghetto” to someplace OTHER THAN Detroit.
- Get the hell out of my house, you hillbillies!
- It’s not just a medallion . . . it’s also a Life Alert sensor.
- Elvis needs help leaving the building.
- It’s harder to swivel my hips when they’re broken.
- How do the Kardashian sisters have better sideburns than me?
- How is my Vegas show ever going to compete with Carrot Top?
- Heart attack, schmeart attack. Get me another fried banana and peanut butter samwich!
- It’s nice that the rest of America has gotten so fat that now people think of me as skinny.
- This is a new song called “Love Me Tinder”.