January 5, 2016
If one of your New Year’s Resolutions was to get into better shape, you may have hired a personal trainer. If you did, hopefully you hired a good one. How will you know? Well, if your trainer says any of the following things, you probably didn’t.
- I’m a fitness instructor not a miracle worker, lard ass.
- Did you ever stop eating over the holidays? Like, once?
- I’ve never said this to anyone before, but I think you should just start wearing stretch pants.
- I can help with your body, but that FACE . . . !
- Let’s just go to Dunkin’ Donuts and work on your personality.
- How funny! I help you lose weight by making you exercise. And you help ME lose weight by making me puke when I see you in yoga pants.
- After just one month of training with me you’ll have lost ten pounds . . . and filed for a restraining order.
- To help us get really pumped up, I’ll put on my Nickelback techno remix.
- You can either pay me in cash or in long, sweaty hugs.