December 16, 2015
Only 8 more shopping days until Christmas. What do you mean you haven’t started yet? If you find yourself in that situation, I can help…with some sure-fire excuses! If someone asks you why you haven’t started shopping for their present yet, here are some things you can tell them.
- I’m in line for The Force Awakens. Which is another way of saying I don’t have anyone in your life to buy gifts for.
- My lover hasn’t told me what she wants. Neither has my wife.
- It’s hard to shop for cats.
- My Secret Santa was Scott Weiland.
- That cash windfall I expected by betting all my money on Ronda Rousey didn’t come through.
- Every time I hit the mall, I immediately go on a Hot Dog on a Stick bender.
- Every time I go online to start shopping, I get distracted by naked ladies.
- My Mom already has the new Adele CD, so now I have no idea what to get her.
- I realize all this commercialism is just a distraction from the true meaning of Christmas. Also, I’m a cheap bastard.