Reasons You Haven’t Started Christmas Shopping

December 16, 2015

Only 8 more shopping days until Christmas.  What do you mean you haven’t started yet?  If you find yourself in that situation, I can help…with some sure-fire excuses!  If someone asks you why you haven’t started shopping for their present yet, here are some things you can tell them.

  • I’m in line for The Force Awakens. Which is another way of saying I don’t have anyone in your life to buy gifts for.
  • My lover hasn’t told me what she wants. Neither has my wife.
  • It’s hard to shop for cats.
  • My Secret Santa was Scott Weiland.
  • That cash windfall I expected by betting all my money on Ronda Rousey didn’t come through.
  • Every time I hit the mall, I immediately go on a Hot Dog on a Stick bender.
  • Every time I go online to start shopping, I get distracted by naked ladies.
  • My Mom already has the new Adele CD, so now I have no idea what to get her.
  • I realize all this commercialism is just a distraction from the true meaning of Christmas. Also, I’m a cheap bastard.