Pat Urban’s Blog

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Things You Didn’t Know About Uber

Uber is now teaming up with Starbucks to deliver coffee.  So we can add that bit of news to this list of The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Uber. It’s like a taxi.  But with less air freshener.  And more sexual assault. They don’t legally have to tell you what bodily fluids may have been…

Pat Urban3

Signs You’re on a Bad First Date

Going on a first date can be a bit of a gamble.  It could be great . . . or it could really suck.  Here are The Top Signs You’re on a Bad First Date.   She’s vegan, and all your bondage equipment is genuine leather. He offers to pay for the meal, but only if…

Pat Urban3

Moviegoer Complaints about Glass

  The ending was a disappointment, because it came 2 hours too late Would have been better with subtitles… from a different movie Should have watched it while taking the “Bird Box Challenge” Could have benefitted from musical numbers Made me long for the subtlety of Hudson Hawk How can a guy with 24 different personalities…

Pat Urban3

Signs You Joined a Bad Gym

Did you resolve to join a gym for 2019?  If so, hopefully you won’t recognize anything found on this list of The Top Signs You Joined a Bad Gym. Their classes include “Quidditch.” Your personal trainer isn’t even interested in knowing how bad you want it. You leave covered in sweat.  And stab wounds. Naked old…

Pat Urban3

Reasons You Don’t Subscribe to Netflix

Netflix is raising its monthly subscription prices.  We can add that to this list of The Top Reasons You Don’t Subscribe to Netflix. You can see “Stranger Things” for free just by watching the news. That’s 15 bucks a month less you can spend on scratch-offs. YouTube offers just as much entertaining content, with the added bonus of…

Pat Urban3

Other Changes Coming to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is moving to May. “When Sports Illustrated launched SI Swimsuit in 1964, they chose February because back then there was a gap in sports,” said SISwimsuit Editor MJ Day. “But now there is no shortage of sports events in winter, so moving the issue to May aligns us perfectly with the joy that comes with the start…

Pat Urban3

TSA Agent Complaints

TSA agents are working . . . but unfortunately, they aren’t getting paid because of the government shutdown.  So put that at the top of this list of The Top TSA Agent Complaints. Having to dig into a dude’s fat rolls to look for more than four ounces of shampoo. Supervisors that shut down any attempt…

Pat Urban3

Things You’ll Never Hear at a Walmart

Are you planning a visit to Walmart soon?  If so, we’re betting you won’t get to experience anything from this list of The Top Things You’ll Never Hear at a Walmart. No, I won’t buy you Cocoa Puffs, they have no nutritional value. I’m so tired of these pants drooping in the back.  I need a…

Pat Urban3

Reasons You Haven’t Joined an Online Dating Service

Memberships to online dating services usually surge in January.  But you abstain.  Here are The Top Reasons You Haven’t Joined an Online Dating Service. You made a pledge 15 years ago not to date until the Cowboys advanced past one round in the playoffs. You already know there are no interested single women in your area…

Pat Urban3

Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Flight

Flying these days is rarely fun.  And it can really suck if you board and experience anything like you’ll find on this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your Flight. It looks like that’s your seat right there . . . in the middle between the Sumo wrestler and the lady…