Tony3

90s Themed Crime

Now THIS is the Kevin Bacon that I want six degrees of separation from.  Because he seems pretty fantastic. There’s a 55-year-old guy whose real name is Kevin Bacon from Wells River, Vermont.  And he was driving last Thursday afternoon when he accidentally sideswiped a parked COP CAR. Why did he hit the cop?  Kevin…

Pat Urban3

Rejected Attractions at Disney’s Marvel Land

Spiderman’s Unnecessary Reboot Adventure Stan Lee’s Tunnel of Cameos Ant Man’s It-Really-IS-a-Small-World Vision & the Hall of Forgettable Characters Wakanda You-Can’t-Find-It World Tony Stark’s Billionaires-Only Merchandise Pavilion Groot’s Grotto, AKA the Grooto Dr. Strange’s Close-Up Magic Show Mutants of the Caribbean  

Pat Urban3

Cruise Tips

Do your summer plans include going on a cruise?  If so, you might want to take a minute to check out this list of The Top Cruise Tips. Skip the spa if Robert Kraft is in line before you. Pack pills to treat nausea associated with motion sickness, stomach flu, or seeing your wife in a…

Pat Urban3

The Top Satan Tweets

When he’s not busy bombarding us with temptation, Satan likes to jump on Twitter.  Here are The Top Satan Tweets.   Somebody tell Rosemary to stop hittin’ me up for child support.  That baby doesn’t even have a bifurcated tail! If you want to get an idea of what spending an eternity down here is like…

Pat Urban3

Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids

Summer Vacation’s Here . . . leaving lots of parents panicked.  But it’ll be a breeze if they check out this list of The Top Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids. Do a back-to-back Marvel movie marathon.  It should end just as school is starting up again. Take them to a busy water park.  When they’re…

Tony3

Why Do You Sleep On Your “Side” of the Bed?

Do you always sleep on the same side of the bed, even if you’re sleeping alone?  A new survey asked 2,000 Americans WHY they do it. They were allowed to give more than one answer.  Here are the top five reasons we prefer one side of the bed over the other . . . 1.  It’s easier…

Tony3

Jeopardy! Vow to Bring Leaker to Justice

Footage of JAMES HOLZHAUER losing on “Jeopardy!” on Monday leaked ahead of time, and the producers are out for BLOOD. They think they know who did it, but they’re not saying yet.  However, once they confirm the leaker’s identity, they plan on taking, quote, “very, very, very appropriate” action. The funny thing is, it probably helped boost the show’s ratings.  “Jeopardy!” was already…

Tony3

You Can Have A LOT of Coffee

If you drink WEIRD amounts of coffee every day, hey, looks like your heart probably ISN’T going to randomly explode.  So that’s cool. A new study out of Queen Mary University in London found that it’s safe for your heart if you drink an obscene amount of coffee on a daily basis. The researchers found…

Pat Urban3

Rejected Slogans for Denim Speedos

  Even more painful than they look! Complete the look with gold chains Ignore the laughter Embarrassing, painful, and wrong Mashed bananas, anybody? Shame? Not here! Why keep you to yourself? Nothing says “Florida Man” like this! Bad idea, worse execution  

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Signs You’re Watching a Bad Godzilla Movie

  Lots of gratuitous use of the f-word, including from Godzilla Three words: Starring Kirk Cameron Due to budget constraints, Godzilla stomps Kokomo, Indiana Soundtrack is all Ed Sheeran songs Four words: Godzilla versus Paddington Bear Song and dance numbers fall totally flat You find yourself wishing your phone would go off Catchiest line of…

Pat Urban3

Signs You’re at a Bad Graduation Ceremony

It’s graduation season, so we thought it’d be a good time for this list of The Top Signs You’re at a Bad Graduation Ceremony. You recognize the keynote speaker as your Uber driver that morning. Only a few of the kids are actually graduating.  The rest just get participation trophies. The commencement speaker ends her speech…

Pat Urban3

Rejected Slogans for the Return of New Coke

Stranger Things season 3 is coming this summer, and Coca-Cola is channeling the show’s ’80s vibe by re-releasing New Coke. The updated version of Coca-Cola launched in 1985 but never quite caught on, and it’ll be making a cameo in the show. Fans will get a bottle of New Coke as a “gift with purchase”…

Pat Urban3

Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Restaurant Server

Since today is National Waiters and Waitresses Day, it’s a good time to give you this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Restaurant Server. There was a little mishap in the kitchen but, like, you’re down with the five second rule, right? Based on your necks, can I assume you…

Pat Urban3

Overheard at the World Mustache and Beard Championship

  Uh-I think you’ve got a Dorito in there Sorry, sir, there’s no unibrow competition Do I win anything? I can comb my ear hair! And now for the “Salvador Dali Lifetime Achievement Award” Hey, can I borrow your gel? Loved your work in ZZ Top Is there a separate competition for Tom Cruise-type beards?…

Pat Urban3

Rejected Slogans for the Taco Bell Resort Hotel

Taco Bell is opening a resort hotel. Yes, this is really happening. Starting on Aug. 9, fans of the fast-food chain looking to get away from it all can book a room at The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel and Resort in Palm Springs, Calif. According to Taco Bell, the hotel will offer several unique…

Tony3

New Summer Flavors of Oreos

Oreo just announced all the new flavors they’re rolling out this summer to keep you constantly eating cookies.  Check ’em out . . . 1.  S’mores Oreos are hitting stores now.  They have a graham cracker-flavored cookie and two layers of cream, one marshmallow, one chocolate. 2.  Latte Thins are coming in June.  They’re thin…

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Doc Rock

Docs Love To Rock Men’s Health says a recent survey reveals that 90% of surgeons listen to music in the operating room. 49% of them listen to rock songs. Their favorite rock tunes include: “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by Scorpions “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns N’ Roses “Break on Through (To the Other…

Pat Urban3

Thoughts of the New Royal Baby

Meghan Markle spat out her Sex Trophy on Monday and the little guy already has a lot on his mind.  Here are The Top Things the New Royal Baby is Thinking. I’m a black ginger?!?  Thanks, genetics. I just made a stinky in my diaper.  Sorry.  That’s a Top Thing Queen Elizabeth is Thinking. Close the…