Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids

Summer Vacation’s Here . . . leaving lots of parents panicked.  But it’ll be a breeze if they check out this list of The Top Tips for Surviving Summer with Kids.

  • Do a back-to-back Marvel movie marathon.  It should end just as school is starting up again.

  • Take them to a busy water park.  When they’re not looking, run.

  • Call the professionals at 1-800-Grandma.

  • If you can’t afford summer camp, you can always send your kids to the border, where the government will house them in really nice cages.

  • Head to the nearest pool, water park, or, screw it, drainage ditch.  A little dysentery never hurt anyone!

  • A little whiskey in the juice box can lengthen naps by up to 50%.

  • Hope that listening to “Baby Shark” doesn’t tempt fate at the beach.

  • Take them on a tour of local landmarks . . . like the field where you’ll bury them if they can’t spend the next three months entertaining themselves.

  • Take them to the library . . . so they can laugh about how you had to learn stuff back in your day.

  • Take them to the zoo and threaten to feed them to the lions if they don’t behave.